Pretty Little Bird

by John Miller

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    Artwork by Kenneth Padilla.

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credits

released May 11, 2017

All songs written and recorded by John Miller.
Recorded, Mixed and Mastered by Adam Pike at Toadhouse Recording Studios in Portland, Oregon.

Produced by John Miller and Adam Pike.
All Rights Reserved © 2017

Album art by Kenneth Padilla.

www.JohnMillerBand.com
www.Facebook.com/JohnMillerBand
Twitter @JohnMillerMusic
Instagram @JohnMillerMusic

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John Miller Portland, Oregon

Gloom/Folk

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Track Name: Guilty and out of It
painted red, lesson learned
flayed and bled, cold and turned
lift the dirt, lay to rest
with the strange, the obsessed

send me back to a place far below
so deep there’s no room to regrow

I’ve been waiting a long time for this

cause I’m young, poor, filthy, inanimate
done for, guilty and out of it
young, poor, filthy, inanimate
done for, guilty and out of it all

life’s a waste, and absurd
but worth a taste, so I’ve heard
found it bleak, cold and stale
left me weak, broke and frail

yet so many insist it’s a blessing
which must make them feel better, I’m guessing

I see through you from miles away

cause I’m young, poor, filthy, inanimate
done for, guilty and out of it
young, poor, filthy, inanimate
done for, guilty and out of it all

(grab a torch, burn the church)
(drown the rich, quench their thirst)
(clean the slate, then you’ll see)
(all is lost, then kill me)

I’m the wreck of the world
of the boys, of the girls
still I write, still I sing
what’s it for? what’s it mean?
Track Name: Poison Oak
you were engulfed by quite the flame
and since been restored but not the same
and I used to think that was imaginary
in light of the dark you carried
I found on my own you can’t just be anyone
free from disaster

home in a gully overgrown
we lived in the land of poison oak
where I used to be stolen but medicated
mobile but amputated
with vigor and vim I learned to walk on my own
left shortly there after

goddamn I wish it all made sense
my existence, my ignorance
my past, my future, present tense
has to end
mama I don’t know who I am
let’s check my pulse and hold my hand
let’s take this boy and make a man
make a man

moved far from nothing, something new
but guilt slain and conquered, tried and true
I thought I was free but found myself contemplating
returning but hesitating
I snuck to your house and placed my ear on your door
and I heard you praying, you said

goddamn I wish it all made sense
my existence, my ignorance
my past, my future, present tense
has to end
mama I don’t know who I am
let’s check my pulse and hold my hand
let’s take this boy and make a man
make a man
Track Name: Sleeping In
oh I would say you’re a lovely mistake
but you won’t settle down anymore
far too often I’ve wondered how much you could take
since you’ve crumbled and vanished before

open up, what will it take?
all you’ve got, help me escape
my faith is gone, I’m lost and adrift
I’m sleeping in, I don’t exist

I’m for pulling this chord
I’ll breathe on my own or I’ll float out the door
safe, sound, a hole in the ground
is where I will be but I’ll never be found

cause I’ve been there before and I’ll be there again
but for now there’s a voice and she’s screaming my name

keep quiet my dear they are already here
in a moment they’ll take you away
and where you will go is where nobody knows
but I reckon it’s where you will stay

settle down, please take my hand
explain yourself, I don’t understand
just take me out, I don’t want to play
you hear my voice, out loud I pray

goddamn I am what I am
don’t tell me it’s wrong if it’s part of some plan
skin, bones, rapture and moans
they pull at my ankles while I’m walking home

cause I’ve been there before and I’ll be there again
but for now there’s a voice and she’s screaming my name
Track Name: The Worst Part
lately I can feel my feet trip over another under me
what happened? what made it happen?
it started out when I was me, now someone else entirely
I think of it obsessively, I long to be renewed

few revive what’s left inside
you open up but nothing’s spilling out
you fear the worst, your selfish words
if he only knew it’d make him scream so loud
they’ll come clean up what’s left of us
a lesson learned
at least the worst part’s over in my head
but then you wake me up, it starts over again

I’m out the door and through the fog
I found a hole, inside was god
I asked him, what the hell happened?
he said I’ve got this trick I play with ease
it works on most, ya most believe
but you had to go look up my sleeve
and damn me to the dirt

you’re goddamn right the fault is mine
I sniffed you out and sent you to your grave
it’s for the best, I have no regrets
if I could go back I’d do it all again
I wanted to believe in you but this will do
at least the worst part’s over in my head
but then you wake me up, it starts over again

a time or two I thought of starting over
and at least a few I thought I reached the end
but such cynical delusions scared me sober
so now I’m pushing for that place around the bend

I won’t be vile, I won’t be wild and crazy
I’ll be the things you think you need me for
and now you’ve gone and had yourself a baby
and honestly I’ve never loved you more
Track Name: Lit by Lantern
I’m a misfit who’s been mistaken for a good boy
pressed and clean, before next halloween
I’ll shake them out of such a good thing
In a flood light I’m stripped and naked
like the day that I was born, the way it was before
we’re held together but we’re so torn

You found your tabernacle, the one that you forgot
you soon became the wretched man, you thought
I found you lit by lantern among the overgrown
mistakenly I failed to bring you home

I’m a wiccan who’s been imprisoned
for the way I viewed my peers, they casted me out in fear
never before has it been so clear
cause I’ve been thinking there’s a reason
we’ve been left here in the dark, we’re looking at the stars
reaching for answers but they’re too far

I promise to be stronger with everything I’ve got
I swear I will be everything you’re not
oh mischievous avenger come take my light away
and shine it on the world you never saved

You found your tabernacle, the one that you forgot
you soon became the wretched man, you thought
I found you lit by lantern among the overgrown
and saw that they replaced your heart with stone
Track Name: Backfire
you took my hand internally
a simple touch, a brief reminder
of what is real and make believe
and for a second felt alright, dear

I found it best to go alone
to say the least you weren’t inspired
the cracks within began to grow
from which your self control grew tired

she looked so tired

this only will backfire
I found the problem, fixed you up and made you new
but some lonely, ill advisor
would find it wiser to get inside her

well you got inside her
she looked so tired

with my own hands I dug you out
to bad I never felt the tremor
the earth gave in, I tumbled down
into the rabbit hole forever
I’m gone forever, I’m gone forever, I won’t come out

this only will backfire
I found the problem, fixed you up and made you new
but some lonely, ill advisor
would find it wiser to get inside her

well it pains to say that things will never be the same
and redemption is all I need
cause my strength is fake,
it’s just enough to bare the weight
but what make you happy was much more than I could take
Track Name: Almost Certain
once was a flower bending backward
trying to find the sun
withered and tattered petals scattered
hitchhike the wind into the ocean

I’m just a boy in a submarine, adventure of the deep
but it’s still and I’m getting bored
cause what I need is some company
that’s not supposed to be a cheap thrill
or a simple score

not so easy being in control of what you just don’t know
make it better for yourself

cause all that you know is the weight upon your sorrow
you’re hopping it’s a waste of time
despite what you see there’s a truth that’s never ending
I’m trying hard to speak of why I don’t beat inside

I’m just a seed in the common ground
the nature of the beast
I’m stone cold, but look how I’ve grown
like a disease in the lost and found
you give and you receive a blank song
without a sound

seems so wonderful of wonder a hermit climbing out a shell
beat their murder, kill yourself

cause all that you know is the weight upon your sorrow
you’re hopping it’s a waste of time
despite what you see there’s a truth that’s never ending
I’m trying hard to speak of why I don’t beat inside

I’m just a moth burning in the flame
did not know where to go
but it’s so bright and beautiful
cause all you know is you’re not to blame
despite the fact that I bleed when I bite my cuticles

never wanting more than nothing, I’m better being left alone
it’s the one thing some call home

cause all that you know is the weight upon your sorrow
you’re hopping it’s a waste of time
despite what you see there’s a truth that’s never ending
I’m trying hard to speak of why I don’t beat inside
Track Name: Up and Around
with strings like a puppet and a wave of your hand
I’m finally up and around
without it I’m nothing I’m just who I am
a commoner, gravity bound

I’m swinging and swaying, a smile on my face
I almost forgot who I was
and I wish you were staying, I wish it were safe
as if it was ever enough

and I’ll be where you want me to be
just so long as you tell me that we don’t have to leave
and I’ll be where you want me to be
cause I’m running on empty, I’m a mess can’t you see
repossess and collect me, disconnect me from me

I’m sending you letters, atoned and agreed
to reach you at last when it’s done
and I’m feeling much better, I sleep and I dream
I even go out in the sun

please try to reach me, I’m selfish, dead and gone
believe me it’s easy and it won’t please anyone

and I’ll be where you want me to be
just so long as you tell me that we don’t have to leave
and I’ll be where you want me to be
cause I’m running on empty, I’m a mess can’t you see
repossess and collect me, disconnect me from me
Track Name: Tipping Cradle
frankly I’m done pretending to be strong
there’s nothing in my arms, I’m weak
despite what you’ve heard I ain’t no pretty little bird
I think that maybe I’m the worm when it’s time to feed

veil, raise the veil, throw the child into the well
as far as I can tell it’s now or never, pass or fail

I’m waiting, I’m contemplating life beyond our needs
we’re spawning playful darlings, dreadfully damned indeed

and it fucks you up, and it makes you see
a tipping cradle and it’s straight into a hole
and it fucks you up, and it makes you see
a tipping cradle and it’s straight into a hole

I’m hopping my death will leave a lovely little mess
my god, this feeling in my chest won’t leave
I may be sedated, mentally deflated
sexually frustrated, don’t mind me

talk, please don’t talk, I wasn’t raised to share my thoughts
oh time I wish you’d stop, I wish you’d stop
I wish you’d stop

I’m waiting, I’m contemplating life beyond our needs
we’re spawning playful darlings, dreadfully damned indeed
I want you but I don’t want to work for anything
I mean it, I think I need it, give me everything

and it fucks you up, and it makes you see
a tipping cradle and it’s straight into a hole
and it fucks you up, and it makes you see
a tipping cradle and it’s straight into a hole
Track Name: Violent Waves
not once but twice I failed my ordinary life
am I even really sure what’s going on
so lost, so blind, my sense of fear was left behind
and I’ve gone so far that I can’t turn around

downward spiral, here we go
spinning out of my control, so far

somehow you wash away
and leave behind for me such violent waves
that I cannot escape
so patiently beneath for you I wait
my breath’s been held for days
beneath for you I wait

so deep in filth, I’m riddled with the holes of guilt
through which my adolescence slowly pours
into a man who claims to know and understand
why I’m afraid to reach the ocean floor

you don’t know me, down we go
sinking slowly, far below, so far

somehow you wash away
and leave behind for me such violent waves
that I cannot escape
so patiently beneath for you I wait
my breath’s been held for days
beneath for you I wait

so lost, so blind, my sense of fear was left behind
and I’ve gone so far that I can’t turn around
not once but twice I failed my ordinary life
am I even really sure what’s going on
Track Name: Just Wait
dark and tall, on a bench you wait
no rest for the wicked, you’re staying up late
cold, exposed on the ground where I lay
you float through my body and enter my brain

fever dreams, I’m a man at sea
I scan the horizon as it’s stares back at me
I think out loud with a darkened cloud
once kept to myself now my thoughts raining down

my heart stays abroad trekking through the unknown
so natural they stay far away once they’ve grown
with hope and desire we won’t find it too late
you only see fire, well my darling just wait

back and forth I’m a tired friend
I’m over and over and under again
meek and mild like a darling child
but deep in the hallow a force running wild

stay at bay if not far away
I’ll never surrender and I’ll never behave
my fragile mind is a waste of time
it’s not getting better it’s just falling behind

my heart stays abroad trekking through the unknown
so natural they stay far away once they’ve grown
with hope and desire we won’t find it too late
you only see fire, well my darling just wait